Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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