you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
