Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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