Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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