if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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