tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
