let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
