Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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