I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
