he wants to bone in the snuggie
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
