Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
