You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
