opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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