and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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