You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
