oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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