When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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