no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
