If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
