Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
