I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
