Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
