I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
