I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
