i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
