So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
