I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
