You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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