Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
