Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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