i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
