Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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