I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
