I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
