11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
