WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
