I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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