dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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