I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
