If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
