Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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