Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
