i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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