She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
