Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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