i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
