I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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