When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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