that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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