i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
