we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
