i just had sex bonerless
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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